Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
