I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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