This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
