i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
