the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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