Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
