you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
