You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
