eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
