I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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