I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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