The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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