Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
