its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
