quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
