I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
