I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
