everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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