Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am available for nakedness
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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