it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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