sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
