Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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