I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
