Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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