You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
