i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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