alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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