hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
