walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
