In the future we'll all be gay
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
