3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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