youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I would ride that face into the sunset
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
