Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
