her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
