I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
