I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
