he thought i was a dude.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I lost the right to judge tonight
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
