Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
