I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
