That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
