Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
