woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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