You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I fill condoms, not promises.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
