So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is my gift to your gina
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
