I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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