Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sober January is a disaster.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
