I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
