i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
