Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
