what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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