I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
