I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
