Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
