Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
