Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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