Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
