let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
