U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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