It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
