I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
