i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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