i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
