Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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